The Right Kind of Wrong

Moments are times that change us. Moments are significant specs of times in our lives that add up to make us who we are. So where did all those moments go? I want those moments back. I always wanted those moments back.

 And then I am offered those moments for a second time. I dont know what to do with them. Some of them hurt, some of them make me laugh, and some of them…confuse me. I dont know what to say, what to do, and what to think.

Once before, you made mistakes…and now you want to change it. But it cant be done…but I dont blame you for trying. Im even having a hard time combining words on a page to describe this actual feeling…this actual moment. I waited so long, but you never came…

Life is all about bad timing I guess?

“Should’ve Said No”

It’s strange to think the songs we used to sing
The smiles, the flowers, everything: is gone
Yesterday I found out about you
Even now just looking at you: feels wrong
You say that you’d take it all back, given one chance
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes…

[Chorus:]

You should’ve said no, you should’ve gone home
You should’ve thought twice before you let it all go
You should’ve know that word, bout what you did with her
Would get back to me…
And I should’ve been there, in the back of your mind
I shouldn’t be asking myself why
You shouldn’t be begging for forgiveness at my feet…
You should’ve said no, baby and you might still have me

You can see that I’ve been crying
And baby you know all the right things: to say
But do you honestly expect me to believe
We could ever be the same…
You say that the past is the past, you need one chance
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes…

[Repeat Chorus]

I can’t resist… before you go, tell me this
Was it worth it…
Was she worth this…

No… no no no…

[Repeat Chorus]

You’ll Ask For Me-Tyler Hilton

youll ask for me by tyler hilton. (debbie and i love this one…enjoy!)

What was that about the ballroom dancing class I asked about
It’s all I’ve thought about ‘cause you were saying
We might get a chance to talk and talk might lead to dance
And maybe dance might lead to dates and dates to aging

Hope you let your intuition
Precede my reputation
‘Cause I have one

Chorus
I am what you see
I am not what they say
But if I turned out to be
Could you love me anyway
Standing in Love
love is hope in your heart will just
Wake up and ask for me by name
Maybe someday will ask for me by name
Just not today

[ Lyrics found on http://www.metrolyrics.com ]

Well, if this is love then it’s hard to say
With your notes and your books and your reaching away
And I’ve confidence issues with your intentions

And I’m not hip to all your tricks
With your algebra and your politics
And the band has planned a hotel intervention

Don’t you leave me by my lonesome to exceed my reputation
‘Cause I have one

Chorus

I’m always here
I’ve walked you home
Then headed for my own
Until again I’m needed

Repeats Chorus

About Me and You.

theres all this crazy going on. my head spins, my heart spins, im losing it…but im not losing you. if one things for sure, its that youre still around for reasons. for true reasons unlike all the rest. i appreciate that. i wanted you to know that youre the one good thing. the one good thing i can look forward to, hope for, learn from, decide about, think about, worry about, and continuously love. youre so far away in distance, yet youre the closest one around compared to everyone else. im trying my best to think positively and never lose sight of us. im trying my best to believe. sometimes its hard, cause life tends to bring you down, and so do other people. but not you. its never you. its not your fault im ever sad. and i like to think that its not my fault when youre not happy either. so this note is about me and you. we deserve it. i really wanted to tell everyone how great we are…and that we dont need them and their ways. we can do this on our own. we dont need anything to keep us together but our hearts and our love. and thats another thing im absolutely sure of…i love you so much. these past two weeks ive realized so much in my life, but nothing about you has changed. we are the same. we are okay. and you havent changed my opinion about you. you arent like anybody ive ever known.

of course i miss the way things were, but thats mostly because i miss the other things in life…i dont need to miss you, because i already have you. i miss your presence. but i dont miss having you, because you are still mine…you belong to this heart and i to yours. i miss the way you giggle after you know youve done something stupid. and the way your face looks when youre saying a word you are unsure of and youre already saying it aloud but youre still trying to figure out if you sound dumb or not because youre using it wrong. i miss the way you cant possibly sleep beside me without touching me, and whenever i wake up in the morning, your arms are tightly around me no matter what. i miss the way when youre upset about me and so full of love that youre angry to be without me, or hurt by something weve argued about…you punch walls out. i miss those walls. the holey walls we had to mend. i miss the way you light up around yoyos, and your passion for the grossest kind of pizza. i miss the long pointless walks, which you and i cant handle very well because you “stop and talk” even on the coldest days. i miss the lazy days where we watched one tree hill for hours on end. i miss getting you hooked on that amazing show and i love how you still watch it like the good boy i taught you to be lol. i miss the red mohawk…pain and simple. i miss that you had the guts to get a red mohawk, and that you trusted me to do it. i miss hockey…watching you out there, i am always so proud, im your number one fan. i miss all the drunkeness…need i say more. i miss the parties we threw, or uhh i threw, at your place haha. i miss going out for dinner, and ordering in…its no fun without you there to argue with about what we eat. i miss going to the school late hours of the night to finish YOUR homework. i miss fighting over the computer to facebook…i have it all to myself now and its just not the same. i miss being able to say “you move away soon…” because youre already gone. i miss trying to kiss without making a noise, and all those heart filled perfect hugs. i miss your opinion on what to wear, and i miss giving mine to you. i miss random presents because we are in looove. i miss the fact that it was thought that always made my heart pound. i miss how giving you are…to anyone. i miss going on the dance floor at the bar, and knowing youre standing where you always are on the other side…that youre always there. i miss the light up dice, and the hot hot shower lol. i miss running errands and grocery shopping with my boni. i miss singing to you, and listening to you sing sometimes too…i miss your drunk talks, and all of the sentemental things you enjoy saying at those times. i miss messaging you when you were in the other room, then forcing you to go online and read it haha, and talking to you on msn when we are sitting beside each other, lol. i miss attempting to sing rap songs by reading the lyrics. i miss the green cups, and how there were never any clean forks. i miss sitting in the sun with a beer in my hand, and you in the other. i miss taking care of you. i miss being sick in your bed instead of my own. i miss sleeping in late when you had to get up so early lol. i miss the early morning coffee runs, and all those mcdonalds breakfast sandwiches at 4am. i miss good times like the random road trip to ptb that lead to so much, and was such a ridiculous night. i miss that butterfly feeling i get everytime you touch my face. i miss you blowdrying my hair because im so lazy and youre so sweet. i miss falling asleep to “bd” the playlist. i miss rose petals and candles. i miss hot tubs and messy rooms. i miss the big bed the most. i miss sunday night tv (together)…believe it or not. i miss cutting your hair, and washing your tummy haha. i miss the freckles under your eyes, and the chip in your tooth! i miss tic tac toe late at night when we cant sleep, and i miss the long talks til 2am about nothing. i miss the squeezies in hand holding. i miss the christmas tree on the front lawn, and the broken beer bottles on the road and sidewalk. i miss the crazy neighbours and their crazy shovelling ways. i miss the little front deck, with the two guys drinking beer. i miss highlighting nates hair (i did a lot of hair these past months lol). i miss your tattoo, and rubbing lotion on it when necessary. i miss laughing together…and how blonde i really am. i miss our first kiss, and how it still feels like were having it.

i miss all of these things that have to do with you jason bonisteel, but i dont miss you…because you are still around…just in belleville for a while. i wish we could have these moments back, but there will be plenty of time to create more. and of course i wish that time was now, right this very second…but all dreams cant come true…and since i already have you, id say im doing pretty good.

thanks for always being there, always listening, always trusting, promising and keeping. thanks for loving me for who i am no matter what else changes around us. life is nothing without you, and so im hurting right now…but that goes away the moment i see you again, and i know that now. im sorry if i ever doubted us, its just so hard to believe…its just so hard to live without here. i do miss you…but keep reminding me that youre not gone.

Copyright Laura-Lyn Burrows 2007.

Youre Just Another Picture To Burn.

I take the pain you cause me, and i attempt to bury it in the backyard, sitting out there alone, hoping for the sun to keep me company. but you keep pushing through. you keep coming up in my head. you keep bothering me without bothering me. you dont call, and you dont come around anymore, but youre still somehow here. and i hate it. those teary eyes look up at the clouds above me, and you are apart of the reason ive now looked down. down to the earth beneath me that has so much to say. i could follow the grass to the other side, somewhere greener. i could follow the road to a destiny, to somewhere where i belong…but something always holds me back. things like you. theyre everywhere. youre everywhere. you continue on like it never happened. you go on with life and smile and laugh. you dont even know what youve done. you dont even know that i believed. that i trusted. why? why am i so naive after all this time? after all the things in life ive overcome…and had to deal with? why do i attempt to find this again…why do i try my hardest to make people work? why do i worry about you…and think about you…and hope you come back into my life and tell me everythings okay? why do i wish you were there at all of my biggest days…and all of my lowest. where were you when i needed you?

you found someone new. you replaced me with you. you are selfish and i cant take it anymore. so this is what i had to say and now its said. so continue acting like i dont exist…continue pretending we never shared a laugh or a good time, but you and i both know how great it was. you and i both know we were the best of friends. or at least we thought we were. now i know who my real friends are. thank you for helping me with that at least, i can give you that. ill keep looking down and hoping for the sun shine brightly and dry my tears. so until we run into each other again and say an awkward hello, i hope youre doing fine…because no matter how drifted we are, for whatever reason you have to stay away…you are still here. you keep coming up in my head. you keep bothering me without bothering me. you dont call, and you dont come around anymore, but youre still somehow here. and i hate it.

—–you always wanted me to write a note about you…and i finally have. you may not understand that the only reason i never wrote one about you before was because i thought we were better than this. i didnt think you needed a boost or a reminder that im here. i thought we were good friends. but heres your note you looked for before…it came at its right time.

you know ill miss the fun we had, and the stupid things weve shared and done. you know ill miss your corky habits and your silly annoying things you always did that i secretly loved. no body is perfect and i am aware of this…you cant love everything about someone. i thought summer was going to be amazing with you.

lurver resigned ❤

Copyright Laura-Lyn Burrows 2007.

Everything That I Do Reminds Me Of You.

It hasnt been long since youve left this place, but it feels like forever already. I walk around here aimlessly not knowing what to do with myself. Knowing that its permanent is what hurts the most. Knowing you arent coming back tomorrow. Knowing that nothing will ever be the same.

I sat around on the first beautiful Saturday of summer with all our friends, and I thought to myself, “This is how I want my summer to be.” But I cant have what I want. I cant be at that place, I cant be with you all the time. Summer without you is like it will be raining all the time. And where will you be to keep me warm and safe? Where will we be…

Im not scared that we wont make it. Im not scared that we arent strong enough. Im scared of not being with you like before. Im scared of becoming a zombie like Ive been for the past day. Everyone says I will get used to it and the zombie stage will pass…but they dont know what we had/have.

I feel like I dont belong where I am right now. Apart of me is somewhat missing. Im so out of place that I cry…without you here this place means nothing anymore.

I miss you so much already….<3

“I never thought I’d need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever I know we were
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can only breathe
I need to feel you here with me”

Copyright Laura-Lyn Burrows 2007.

You Can Hurt My Heart, But You Cant Take It Away.

Im not going to stop being who I am because somebody told me I was too different. Because somebody told me they didnt like the way I act, or the way I talk or dress. I am not going to stop being who I am for anybody but me.

There was a time in life, where Id bury my head in my knees with pain because so many people didnt understand, because I wasnt being me because I was afraid of being rejected. That was a long time ago. Since then, Ive grown up…Ive matured, and Ive become somebody that I can actually say Im proud of. No, Im not proud of some of the things Ive done, and Im not proud of every little thing in my life…but I can I am proud that I am being the real me.

You get sick and tired of people critisizing what they dont know. You get sick and tired of people holding grudges. And you get sick and tired of useless drama. Backstabbing, twotiming, faking it…those are things of the past. Those were the highschool days.

In the future, and I say this as politely as I possibly can, I would prefer if anybody have something to say about me, they say it to my face. That they tell me how they feel, and if they dont like me…then dont like me, dont pretend to…cause I really dont care.

SO with that said, I just wanted to point out a few more things on my mind.

This may sound boastful, but I dont see myself as a bad person. I see myself as someone who gives and gives and never cares if she gets anything in return. If anyone ever needed anything, they can come to me and they know that, and they HAVE. If anyone needed a place to stay, someone to talk to, someone to vent to, or just a good break doing something fun…Ive always been the one to call. And anybody who knows me well, and I dont mean went to school with me and still calls me Laura-Lyn well, I mean the real we hangout and talk and care about each other well, then they would know this is all true. They would know that I have talents, that I have a big heart, that I am a strong person, that I am smart and yet so stupid, that I make mistakes and am human, and they would know…that they couldnt ask for a better friend.

People fight. its called life. Without fighting, we would never knew who really cared. Without fighting, we would all be the same person. Life needs stupid things like arguements to keep us alive and going, and sometimes, even to keep us entertained. So if Ive fought with you in the past and we arent friends because of it now, Im sorry, I guess it just wasnt meant to be…but I have nothing against you. And If Ive fought with you in the past, and we are still close…then I guess we really just fight cause we care about each other.

I dont have time to put up with drama and games. So if you have them, save them. Keep them away from me because I could care a less.

This note may seem pointless to most, and rambling to others…but I dont care. Because I dont care what people think or say. I am who I am, deal with it. I have people that love me, I dont NEED you to care. I have people who respect me, I dont NEED you to try. I have people who accept me, and I definitely dont need you to settle for anything less than you want to.

Lets all grow up a little people, and realize that we are in the real world now. High school ended a long time ago…and if youre still caugh up in all the little bullshit, then you really need to take a good look at yourself and ask who’s reaaally the drama queen. Cause it sure aint me.

Copyright Laura-Lyn Burrows 2007.

We Were All So Pretty, On Such Pretty Days.

A song I wrote for you.

Tears of Happiness:

Tears of happiness.
are dripping through my veins.
leaking out my eyes.
causing me real pain.
for what i have now.
may not be what ill have then.
i am so thankful.
for what they have been.

happy happy tears.
continue to pour.
you are the reason.
the one i cry for.
your smile on a cloudy day.
lights up my delicate eyes.
your dashing gentle gestures.
they take me by surprise.
your frown is why i live.
so i can turn it around.
your hands are meant for mine.
your voice is my sound.

Tears of happiness.
are dripping through my veins.
leaking out my eyes.
causing me real pain.
for what i have now.
may not be what ill have then.
i am so thankful.
for what they have been.

love is not love.
until you cry.
love is not love.
if you wouldnt die.
die without their smiles.
die without their arms.
die without their words.
if you wouldnt die without their harms.

we take it all together.
the package is a deal.
you get what you get.
you feel what you feel.

i cry tears of happiness.
because you came to me.
i cry tears of happeiness.
because we know we can be.

one day we’ll look back on us.
and all the amazing years.
for the most beautiful smile.
is the one through tears.

Copyright Laura-Lyn Burrows 2007.

At The End of the Day, We All Want To Be Okay.

i have this insta best friend that came into my life one day, and not only do we have the same birthday, but we have a lot in common…only she is going through things now that ive already long passed. there is nothing more in life she could ask for than me. its hard to descriibe how much she has changed my life in only a few months. i want to change hers, and i try, but its hard to get through. i wrote this for her:

every day is a challenge that we attempt to overcome, but continue the struggle onto the next day, but thats the way its supposed to be. you can try as hard as you can, but your life is always in the hands of others. it doesnt matter how many people tell you everything is going to be okay, you always feel it wont. it doesnt matter how many times you rethink things, or over analyze them…it isnt doing any help.

some days are going to let you down, some days are going to lift you up. its just the way things are. but dont be afraid of the days that let you down, or youll never know if you could have been lifted up. the secret to life is to put yourself out there, so you dont wake up one day with regrets.

let the real person you are shine through at all times, for someone will catch a glimpse of it and fall in love…and those that arent as lucky to have you, will soon have regrets of their own. you deserve the world to treat you right, and boys to worship the ground you walk on…but in real life, that never happens. but heres something i can promise you: if you try doing what makes you happy, you might be surprised, and realize it makes others happy too. you might fight that eternal happiness youve been searching for. the key is to stop searching, and open your eyes…open your mouth and say the words youve always wanted to say, open your ears and listen to inner thoughts, and open your heart at all costs…you will be broken, you will be bruised…but you could get that chance of smiling. and in the end, your smile is definitely worth it. for your smile is what got me where i am today.

do something for yourself. it makes ME happy.

“If we go down, we go down together.” –Taking Back Sunday

Copyright Laura-Lyn Burrows 2007.

As You Sit and Pray.

You are the pretty rock, amongst all the ugly ones.

 Days pass by and nothing changes, but everythings different. we are still the same people weve always been, but somehow somebody new. each day that passes by us, we make decisions, we make mistakes, we make friends, we fall in love, we cry, we yell, we smile. and each day that passes, we wonder why. the wondering will always be with us and never stop. we wonder why we bother…we wonder where we will end up…we wonder who it will be with.

we sit and we try to recollect that exact moment…when everything in our lives took a turn for the bad…and when they took a turn for the good. we try to pinpoint the moments in our lives that alter us…but we fail to see that we are to never know. we fail to realize that every day is a changing event…that every day alters us.

we could assume certian times are significant in who weve become, such as the day we met someone, or the day somebody left us…or the day we move away, or the day we get that amazing new job or got into college…but its the little extras that make each of us special. its the moments we never recognize that interests the hearts of others around us. its that day you kissed a random and realized the real person you loved. its that day you saw your mom cry and you never wanted to hurt her again. its that day you finally smiled after a really bad storm and the flu. its that moment you felt any kind of difference in your life.

but we dont seem to grasp these times until someone points them out to us. until someone says, “what makes you amazing is all the little things you do and have done.” we always feel like ourselves, but its others that can tell when we arent. its others that can define who we are better than we can. for we are blind to the true wonderful people we actually are.

thank you. to those people who help me to see the light in the dark room. to those people who remind me how special i can be. to those people who see the real me. you are the moments that have altered my life.

Copyright Laura-Lyn Burrows 2007.

Beep beep beep

That my dear, is the sound of your game coming to an end. You are dead. You may no longer pass go, you may not run from the mushrooms, they got you. You are gone, you LOST. I may not have won in this game, but either did you and right now in my heart, that is all that matters. So I say good bye to many things.

Its going to be rough, its going to be difficult, but its going to be okay. And like they always say…if they truly love you, theyll come back. And they will. So we’ll see what the future brings us both, and what decisions are made. But for now, I cannot handle the bullshit…I cannot handle your ridiculous plans, and everything being on your time and schedule like I dont matter…and then the next day Im the love of your life. So its just too much for my heart to handle…with all due respect.

Actually. Respect should not be mentioned. Because I am indeed frustrated and furious. I was confused, but now I see the real things going on. All I know, is that christmas this year is going to be hard, and you know why. And all I know, is that everytime I walk into my basement and see our bed, it makes me shut the door to our room. I hate that you left, but I forgive you for that. But I cant help that I hate you for your games.

Im sorry, but Im fed up. Im tired. Im hungry. Im freaking online at 2:15 in the morning with my final decision. Just remember…we used to be happy.

SO FRACK A DACK BUT DONT LACK THE QUACK! (compliments of the late night show starring laura and lexi.)

Ill still love you, but one day…it wont hurt anymore. ♥

Copyright Laura-Lyn Burrows 2007.